okay but imagine having a house right on the timezone boundary
"bedtime is 11!"
"KITCHEN 11 OR LIVING ROOM 11??"
"mom we’re gonna be late!"
"nah, it’s at bathroom 5 not bedroom 5"
"man I only got like 2 hours of sleep!"
"well I got 3, I rolled over the boundary in my sleep"
The best (and worst) part would be trying to figure out what time to watch tv
you broke my brain
“If you weren’t here from the beginning then you’re a fake fan”. That’s just like saying my sister isn’t a part of my family because I escaped the vagina first.
- me: whats your opinion on tampons
- little brother: they're little fuzzy sticks on strings
- me: then you are ultimately more mature than most boys
- little brother: why
- me: for some reason tampons are gross and taboo just cuz they go in a vagina
- little brother: well so does a penis and boys never stop talking about those
- little brother:
- me: that is a fantastic point
one time when i was like 12 my dad wanted me to put a dvd in the dvd player and i was like ‘what do i get in return’ and he said ‘you can have half of the winnings of this stupid lotto ticket’ and he ended up winning 600,000 dollars and i was so pleased with myself. 300,000 dollars when youre 12 is pretty much like infinity dollars. he was so mad
Shit, man, $300,000 would be like infinity dollars to me now.